What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 09:43
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
What happens when you have paranoid schizophrenia?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I have no regrets .
What symptoms did you notice before being diagnosed with cancer?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I don,t even have a pension.
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My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Comes on , in middle age.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
If a narcissist can't feel remorse, can they ever feel regret for an evil act after going to rehab?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He knew the spot.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Why was the rock band Kiss so successful?
I think the readers, may guess!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Why are women attracted to ugly guys?
She loved him until the end.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She married twice! .
What is a fun psychological trick to try on someone?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
So whats the point in blame.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I couldn’t, believe it.
What is the rudest/meanest thing a family member has said to you?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Who then, do I blame.?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
This is soul school!.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We were not on the streets..
Im still living with it.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My life is so biszare .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was very sick at this time too.
We all went to grammer schools
All the time i was locked up.
(And it was in our own minds.)
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She found it foreign!.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
It was going to be , some day.
I said to her
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
On the 31st of Jan this month .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Why did i forgive my father ?
My family never makes their pension either.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was 9 years of age.
He resisted the act ,that day.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I was scared of men, in general
I could never make a relationship work though!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I waited trembling.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I never cut or harmed myself..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
One cannot live in the past .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Was to survive, this bastard.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Ive learnt so much.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But, we were locked up after school.
What did i know ?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
So, i spoilt her more .
She wouldn,t have been !
I write beautiful poetry .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She was in good health!
But it wasn’t much.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
When she asked me how she looked .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Put me off passion for life!!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Would this be the day?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And i lived it daily.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I will be 64.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was seconnd youngest,
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..